Oneshot Trades :
by danielscutebutt
Summary: if you wanted a oneshot trade, here they are :D T for language, may change depending on the oneshots


OKAY ! So this is my oneshot trade with flannelninja because I friggin' lurves her (in the she's- awesome-not-that-i'm-a-creeper sorta way) :D lulz. I'm giving her a Marcus (her oc for my fic) x Cartman oneshot, since she wanted it :D Oh lawd, her OC is just too cute, like when I read her application for him, I fell for him, the little melivin :D ANYWHOZZLE, on with the oneshot, mates !

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Hey y'all, my name's Marcus Finch, and I'm a southern gentleman. Well, I like girls, but I like guys more, but that doesn't matter. I'm from Alabama, and I have a think country accent, y'know ? Naida and Butters (my two SBF's -super bestfriends-) think it's cute, but I don't know. I'm not too concerned what they think about me right now, all I can think about is him.

Eric Cartman.

I know he's fat and mean to me and my SBF's, but, I don't know ! Something about him makes me want him so badly. When I LARP by myself, I like bein' a princess, and pretend that he's with me, bein' my knight a shining armor.

I know that's weird, but i'm a pretty weird guy. FOR JUSTICE AND THE BROTHERHOOD !

Me, Naida, and Butters were at our lunch table, talking about video games, Kingdom Hearts mostly (Naida's favorite game of the week), and what not. We were planning a sleepover at Naida's house, since tomorrow was Friday, and we all wanted to be together. As I bit into my burger, I felt a hand smack the back of my head.

I look up to see who did it, and when I saw, my breath caught in my throat.

Eric.

He smirked cockily, and bore his muddy brown eyes into my jade green ones. I felt my face heat up, and I looked down at the table, embarrassed.

I looked over to Butters and Naida. Butters wasn't shocked, but his eyes were wide, he was slightly frightened. Naida was standing, glaring holes through Eric's head. She started yelling at him, throwing out so many insults, and telling him to stop being a nazi fag and get lost.

He yelled back, with as much ferocity. Calling her a stupid lesbian hippie, and a melvin lover.

With that, she took off her p-coat, and made her way to bust his face in.

I got up, and hugged her, attempting to calm her down. She told me my hugs soothed her, so whenever she got angry, I pulled her into one of my therapeutic huggles, as she called them.

I felt the tension in her slowly evaporate, her shoulders slumping. I let her go, and looked at her face. Her hazely eyes were still glaring photon lazers into Eric, but at least she was calm.

"Ha, the fag and the lesbo bitch being all lovey ! Hehe, gawd !" Eric exclaimed, and he walked off laughing.

My eyes prickled with tears, as I held them in, trying not to let them spill.

I could feel Naida tense back up, but she didn't make a move towards him. Instead, she looked up at my face, and took it in her hands. She brushed away the tears that I hadn't noticed run down my cheeks. She kissed my cheek and held my hand, pulling me down to sit with her. Butters had gotten up and sat on my other side, rubbing me back in a consoling manner. They knew I like Eric, and even though they didn't understand, they still helped me through the rough times.

The day ended, and I got on the bus, sitting with Naida. Butters had gotten checked out for a dentist appointment, so it was just us.

"Marcus, why do you like him ? I mean, he's such an asshole towards you ! He hasn't shown a single sign of having feelings for you, you should just give up, ma-"

"Naida, please not this again. I told you, I'm not sure why I like him. I just DO, and I WON'T give up. Ya said ya should never give up on something ya really want, and I REALLY want him." I sighed. She always said this after Eric is mean to me, and I cry about it. She's told me she's felt this way before, but she KNEW why she liked them. They made her feel happy on the inside, but Eric doesn't make me feel good at all. He makes me cry, and depressed.

"Gawd Marcus, you are SERIOUS a masochist. You must really like that S&M, huh ?" Naida says in a teasing way, attempting to lighten the mood.

Well, it worked, and I cracked a smile. It's hard to stay sad around her, unless she's the one making ya sad.

We got off at out bus stop, and we walk our separate ways. Since were next-door neighbors, we always wave to each other from our doorsteps before walking into our houses.

When I walked into my house, I looked to see my ma on the couch, all curled up, watching Oprah. She ignored me as usual. I sighed and went upstairs to my room.

When I got to my room, I saw my little brother sitting on my bed, reading my Sir Randall The Ass-Kicker comics.

I sighed, and he looked over at me. "Well, well, well, the fag is here !" he sneers.

"Dante, I'm not really in the mood for your insults, can ya please leave ?" I ask, hoping he'd listen for once.

I wasn't so lucky.

"SHUT IT, fag-boy. Geez, why do ya like GUYS anyway ? That's against the Bible y'know ! And how is it possible you like GIRLS too ? Sheesh, aren't you fucked up in the head ! Go get a girl friend, ya homo, before I tell ma and pa to send ya to a straight camp !" he shrieks, and exists my room, knocking things over as he does.

I sigh once again, and begin picking up all my things. My ma and step-daddy were church folk, and hated gay people, and thought bisexuals were just confused. They didn't like me, or my SBF's. They usually ignored me, and I usually got to do my own thang. I fended for myself, seeing as how there isn't much food left for me.

I went downstairs to see my family eating together, my step-father must've came home while I was cleaning. I made a PB&J sammich, and went back up to my room, seeing as how I wasn't welcomed to eat with them. As I ate the sammich, I called Butters.

We talked about our plans for tomorrow, and Eric, and hello kitty. Lordy, did that boy like hello kitty.

After talking on the phone for an hour or so, I hung up and went to bed, dreaming of my beloved Eric.

I woke up to something hitting me in the head.

"Wake up nerd, someone's here for ya !" my little brother sneered.

I got up and rubbed my eyes, then I knit my eyebrows in confusion.

Naida said she was going to an appointment so she wouldn't be able to come an' get me like she usually does on friday's, and Butters didn't say anything about coming over in the morning when we were on the phone.

Who could it be ?

"HURRY UP YA FAG !"

Geezus, that boy is getting on my nerves already.

I rushed through my morning routine, and bounded down the stairs. When I reached the bottom step, I saw who came for me.

Eric Theodore Cartman.

Oh. My. GOD.

What was he doing here ? Did he come to beat me up, or pick on me ? That doesn't sound right, he wouldn't go THAT far for a little ole' melvin like me.

Eric looked up, and nodded to me, and headed for the door. He motioned for me to follow him and I did.

I gripped the strap of my bookbag tight, scared of what would happen.

I got into the passenger side of his Hummer, and buckled myself in, as did he.

We were halfway to school when he stopped, and put his car in park.

"Um-uh, Eric. The school's only a little ways ahead, unless you want me to get out and walk, that'll be fine." I said, while unbuckling my seatbelt.

His hand grabbed both of mine, shocking me, making me stop, and stare at him wide eyed.

"E-Eric, wh-" I tried to say my face flushed red, but Eric held his hand up, telling me to listen.

"Look, Marcus," the first time he's really called me by my real name.

"Naida told me you liked me-" he stopped, noticing my eyes widening. How could she ? She knew that I didn't want him to know. My eyes began to water. Now he's going to tell everyone, and I'm gonna be ridiculed for the rest of my life, and-

"MARUCS !" he yelled, making me yelp, and look into his eyes once again.

"You didn't let me finish, before you got all freaked out. Look, Naida said the reason I only bully harsher than anyone else, because I have feelings for you. Well, I think it may be true, and I want you to go out with me."

It took me awhile to process what he said, as we sat in silence.

My mouth gaped.

Eric Cartman, likes ME ? And WANTS ME ?

I stared. Then I finally spoke up in a small voice.

"Cartman,i really REALLY like you, but we can't go into a relationship now. I mean, you don't even really KNOW the real me, so can we start off as friends ?"

He looked genuinely surprised, and his face turned to a scowl.

"Fine. But you will be mine, whether you like it or not."

Oh, I wouldn't mind at all.

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AH ! This took forever to write, and I don't like how it came out "/ But hopefully flannelninja like it ^_^ here ya go my dear !


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